Thursday, August 19, 2010

"You're A Good Man"

The following story and nuggets of truth afterward are taken from chapter three of Sacred Influence.
In his excellent book How Children Raise Parents, Dr Dan Allender describes how his young son lost his nerve on a ski slope. When the boy asked Dan to carry him down, Dan refused so the boy fell down and began to cry and kick his feet. Dan grew tired and irritated with his son and demanded that he ski down. As Dan raised his voice in anger, his wife Becky, suggested he go on ahead and let her handle it.
Dan did so but then watched as his son refused Becky's entreaties. That did it for Dan; he walked back up the slope, fuming all the while and met Becky with the words. "Move. Your way didn't work. I'll get him done my way."
You're about to witness the incredible and profound power that a strong godly woman represents. I'll let Dan take it from here:

Becky stood her ground.
My wife looked at me with kindness and strength. When I finally reached her, her head slowly turned from side to side and she said, "No."
There was a moment of silence, and she said, "I know you've been shamed by many men who meant the world to you and I know that is no what you want to do to your son." It was all she had to say. A myriad of faces flashed in my memory; and I felt again the raw experience of being humiliated and shamed by men who really did matter to me. It silenced my anger and I began to cry. My wife put her hand on my heart and said, "You're a good man." She turned away and in one fluid graceful movement, she skied down the icy slope


Even while Dan acted at his worst, his wife called him to his best, using affirmation. She stood up to him, but she also touched him in his anger and firmly but gently reminded him, "You're a good man."

When Dan reached his son, he was a much-changed man. That's the power women have - one magnanimous gesture and one aptly spoken phrase can work wonders. Since Dan's son had seen and heard everything, Dan opted for a direct approach.

"Andrew, you saw my face as I was coming up the slope, didn't you?"
He quivered. "Yes."
"And you saw how angry I was, didn't you?"
"Yesss."
"And you were afraid, weren't you?'
"Yes, yesss."
"And you knew I'd make you pay if Mommy had not been so strong and loving and stood in my way and protected you"

At this point his eyes were bristling with tears and his cheeks were shivering with fear. I looked at him, put my hands on his cheeks, and said, "Andrew, I was wrong. Mommy loved me well and loved you well too. She invited me to see what I had become and what I did not what to be. Andrew, I'm sorry for being so angry. Please forgive me."
The gift my son gave is incalculable. He put his hand on my heart as he had seen my wife do and he said with tears, "Daddy, mommy is right. You are a good man."


Can you see the good in your husband, even when he's at his worst? Can you pause long enough to see the hurt behind the heat, and call him to his best? If you can learn to do that, you move your man - directly into God's arms.

~Your job as a wife is to stay sensitive to your husbands strengths.
~Don't resist your husband for being less than perfect; he can't be anything else.
~Rule number one for influencing your man is this: stop taking your husband for granted. He wants to feel noticed, special and appreciated.
~Your first step - the primary one - is to love, accept and even honor your imperfect husband.


Jesus, may I be the kind of wife that brings out the best and not the worst in my man. Help me to always see the excellent strengths that you have created in him and to not take him for granted. Thank you for the precious gift of marriage.

1 comment:

Chef Penny said...

Oh my goodness, what a great post! I loved it and it is so true.I often see the faults in my man instead of all the good in him. Thanks for putting in perspective for me.

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